“Is it OK to discipline someone else’s kid” is one of those age-old questions that seems to stump people again and again. It’s like “How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?” Except it’s “How many scoldings does it take to get kicked out of the parent friend group?” The world may never know.
And so one mom found herself on the “Am I The A—hole? (AITA?)” subreddit wondering if she and her husband made a parenting faux pas.
How It All Started
OP’s kids take taekwondo classes with a boy whose 4-year-old brother tags along. This 4-year-old is “very disruptive” according to the mom who originally posted (the “OP” in Reddit lingo).
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“General rules for parents and bystanders are to be respectful: no talking loudly, no talking to kids who are practicing … Obvious stuff,” OP said.
OP and her husband usually park their car in front of the building and wait in there since the building is small. She said they’ve seen the young boy run out of the building and across the busy parking lot while the mom is inside and throw/spit water from his water bottle onto other storefronts.
“Not a huge deal, but they’re all glass, so it leaves stains,” she said in parenthesis.
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What Happened
One night, OP and her husband were waiting and saw the 4-year-old “bouncing off the walls” and “bumping into other kids” while the mom reportedly wasn’t watching him. He then started pushing the front glass door and kicked it as hard as he could.
Well that was it for OP’s husband. He got out of the car, went to close the door, and loudly said, “Don’t kick the door,” before returning to the car. OP said the kid looked “terrified” in his mom’s arms and that the other moms looked “pissed.”
The mom later told OP and her husband to “speak to me next time” and that her son has ADHD.
“I can’t watch everything he does, so instead of screaming at a child, talk to me first,” the mom reportedly said.
Apparently another mom then came over, glared at OP and her husband, and told the 4-year-old’s mom, “I can’t believe that happened to you!”
OP and her husband explained that he was going to break the door and that he had been spraying water on other businesses to which they were told “Well, I didn’t see it,” and “Is the water going to melt the glass?” By the time OP’s husband apologized and said he would speak to the mom first next time, it was “too late.” Other angry moms had descended, “glaring” and “talking loudly” about OP and her husband.
“Our kids come out & we get them into the car, & I see the mom flip us off … in front of our kids,” OP said. “Both her boys are not outside with her, btw, but are again unsupervised inside.”
And so now she wants to know if she and her husband are in the wrong.
“We weren’t screaming at a child,” she continued. “We told a kid sternly to not kick a glass door. Maybe we should have just minded our own business. There were 4 other men standing outside, who said nothing … before & after. So AITA?”
Reddit’s Reaction
I think the major consensus is “Eek!” It just always has been (and always will be…?!?!) a touchy subject. When (if ever) are you allowed to yell at someone else’s kid? While the moms at taekwondo class were Team You’re The A—hole, most Redditors felt otherwise and were quick to sprinkle in some mom shaming.
“NTA but rather than speak to the mom next time, speak to the establishment’s manager,” one person said. “A loose child acting like you described is a liability in their premises and a danger to himself. They should forbid this family from the premises if the mother, in her own words, ‘can’t watch everything he does.'”
Oof! That could open a whole other can of worms. Given the choice, would you rather someone yell at your kid or tattle on them?
“NTA, honestly there was a chance he could’ve kicked the glass too hard and shattered it, potentially harming himself or damaging property. You saved that kid’s mom a pretty big headache lol.”
“Her child could’ve been abducted by now and she’d have no clue. How will her ‘can’t watch him all the time’ hold up then? … What would she have said if he broke the glass and got injured while you went to tell her? I know exactly what. ‘Why didn’t you stop him!?’ There’s no winning with neglectful parents.”
Harsh! Things only got nastier from there. “ADHD is not an excuse for lack of supervision,” one person said. “Unfortunately these days most parents raise entitled brats and get offended when real world catches up with their precious offspring …”
So all the IRL parents think OP and her hubby were totally out of line for disciplining the 4-year-old, but everyone on the internet seems to think otherwise. Except for one person who thinks there’s another a—hole entirely:
“Find a new place for taekwondo because the owners aren’t on top of safety in general if they aren’t all over that kid and their parents,” that Redditor said. “I would be very concerned about their other safety procedures.”
Before you go, check out some of Reddit AITA‘s biggest fiascos where everyone is to blame.
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